Perhaps my recent breakup of a two year relationship is influencing my judgment, but no, I don’t believe it’s possible to attain enlightenment while in an erotic relationship. A week ago, I would have said yes of course one can reach the epic Nirvana while loving their partner whole-heartedly. Love is the highest form of good and just by experiencing that power, one is closer to the Hindu ideal of Moksha. While Moksha is the ultimate goal humans should strive for, how can one reach this all-loving, one-heart, I-am-God-and-God-is-everything state of being if he is focused on loving one single individual? This perspective is made clearer by analyzing Hermann Hesse’s influential novel, Siddhartha.
Siddhartha’s long journey brings Hindu teachings to life. Through most of the book, Siddhartha is a whiny brat having one identity crisis after another. He is a well-off Brahmin’s son, then runs away to become a traveling Samana (holy man). Siddhartha then sheds his ragged clothes and becomes a rich businessman and lover to the beautiful Kamala. After he grows disgusted at this affluent lifestyle, Siddhartha runs away again to start a new life as a wise ferryman. The last two chapters, however, redeem Siddhartha (and the novel) when he discovers the secrets to reaching enlightenment.
“Wisdom is not communicable,” Siddhartha tells his childhood friend Govinda, “The wisdom which a wise man tries to communicate always sounds foolish.” This profound statement seems to be the key to the depths of Hinduism. He realizes that one must experience the world for himself to appreciate it, not learn it from a teacher. Although he went through many life stages, Siddhartha finds Moksha when he realizes that all of these experiences are one. He is Brahman (God), because Brahman is everything. He must respect the past, present, and future as a single entity. It is the revelation that “all is one” which leads to enlightenment.
To fully believe that all is one and become one with God, people must love everything as God. Govinda says that the Buddha teaches not to hold on to earthly love to reach Nirvana (Buddhist Moksha), but Siddhartha explains to Govinda that he must love the world, not shy away from love. Which leads me to the point: Loving a single person above all others denies that everything is Brahman and equally deserving of love. When in a relationship, I am saying that I love this person beyond other people. I would not say I love my ex-boyfriend as much as I love my current partner. To say that I love the carpet or a tree as much as my boyfriend would be absurd. Yet, the carpet, the trees, ex-boyfriends, and current boyfriend, are all the same. Each one is Brahman, and I can love everything as part of God.
By being in a monogamous, erotic relationship, I am excluding my love from almost everything else. Thus while in a relationship, I could not reach Moksha, because I don’t believe all is one and equally lovable. Because Siddhartha can understand that every person, every thing, shares the same life force, he is at peace. The unity he feels with the world is not divided by love of one and exclusion of others. Once he stops searching for an illusive enlightenment, he realizes that every part of his life held the same potential for Moksha.
